Dealing with anger over a breakup

Added: Merle Freitas - Date: 22.10.2021 20:10 - Views: 11056 - Clicks: 6098

Going through a divorce or breakup is never easy, and it can be difficult not to feel hard done by. Anger and resentments towards the ex you once loved can build quickly. The problem is that anger, while a useful emotion in many ways, left to run rampant is also a form of stress. It can play havoc with your adrenal system and digestive system and end up draining and exhausting you just when you need to collect your energies and focus on healing.

So while suppressing or denying your anger after experiencing a heartbreak is never a good idea, and examining why you feel so angry with the support of a coach or counsellor can lead to great revelations, you also need to find ways that stop anger towards your ex — and even your life for taking you to this place of pain — from controlling your days. How big is your anger, really? When did you last if ever feel so angry? Is this anger triggering other, older upsets for you? What is behind the anger — sadness, despair, fear?

Awareness is the first step towards change and will help you to own your feelings, which is the key to letting them go. Are you turning to drugsalcohol, or overeating? Are you overworking or overexercising to avoid how you feel?

Also pay attention to whether you are judging yourself for feeling angry. What would happen if you just accepted that you feel low and upset, and decided to show yourself some compassion? Science is increasingly showing a connection between the mind, body, and emotions. For some people, it can be helpful when managing anger to release it physically. This might mean bashing a pillow with a rolling pin or your fist, shouting and screaming where nobody Dealing with anger over a breakup here you, or going for a long hard run.

For other people a more calming physical exercise, like yoga, can help you feel balanced and centred even though you are processing anger. Anger can make us feel so tense and distracted that it can be hard to get through our days, let alone when we are also dealing with sadness and then the practicalities of separating your life from that of your ex. It can be very helpful to find routes to feeling grounded. This might involve time in nature, a physical exercise like yoga, or a few minutes a day spent deep breathing or journalling. Mindfulness can be something that helps. Involving present moment awarenessit helps you to stay with what is going on for you in the now, instead of being so distracted by the upset of the past and your worries for the future.

It also allows you to really hear your thoughts and feelings as they arise. Speaking of mindfulness, one of the great side effects it offers is helping us to choose what we think and therefore what we feel, too, as thoughts create feelings. When we train our attention on what we are thinking, we can learn with practise to catch our thoughts fast enough that we can then decide whether to continue with a thought or instead choose another way of seeing things.

Cognitive behavioural therapy CBT especially works to help you notice and change your cognitive distortions into more useful patterns of thought and behaviour. At the end of the day, a lot of our negative feelings are an interpretation of what we think happened, as opposed to anything based on real fact. Mindfulness helps you to catch yourself having such distorted thoughts as well as having angry thoughts, and with practice helps you gain enough control you can consciously decide whether you want to continue to have certain angry thoughts — or not.

Your anger can in this way become a sort of guidepost. Every time you feel anger, you can ask yourself, what am I thinking or feeling here? Is it how my situation really is, or how I am perceiving it? And how could I choose to see it differently, what balanced thought could I have instead? Friends, no matter how well meaning, are sometimes too personally invested in our situation to be a good listener or to be honest Dealing with anger over a breakup us.

Their own desire for us to not be upset can Dealing with anger over a breakup us from feeling comfortable expressing the depth of our anger and sadness. Also, they might agree with outrageous things we say or do out of anger and hurt because it seems easier then upsetting us further by telling us when we are out of line. The trouble is, to heal, we need to be able to be honest with ourselves both about what we are feeling and the choices we are now making. Sometimes outside help can be the best thing. This might be in the form of a support group, an online forum, a coach, or a counsellor.

The wonderful thing about working with a professional is that they are not invested in our situation and offer a completely unbiased perspective. They are also trained to listen fully, which in itself can be deeply healing and lead to you coming up with your own realisations that help you process and step through your anger. Have you managed your emotions after a breakup? Share your tips below, we love hearing from you. Marina Pearson is an author, facilitator, and speaker on the subject of Effortless Living. She supports professionals and entrepreneurs to transform stress into ease and.

If you are a journalist writing about this subject, do get in touch - we may be able to comment or provide a pull quote from a professional therapist. I was very hurt after my partner of four years ended the relationship. At first I was upset and confused because she gave me the impression that everything was fine until she ended it.

She always told me she loved me, planning things ahead committing to the relationship, we had two lovely holidays a year, moved into our new home in August 19 and 3 months after that, she ended it. I still stayed until I moved out after a few days later but she was still cuddling and kissing me in bed, telling me she loved me. I asked how long she felt like this then said she had been unhappy for over a whole year!!! She changed in that she was more anxious and irritable since we moved. Dealing with anger over a breakup she still messages and rings me, telling me she loves me and she wished she still wanted sex with me.

I was starting think she was blaming everything and anything on the break up. She was positive one day and negative on and off for about a month after the break. It actually felt like that she had been the one dumped the way she said she was hurting? I was so confused. However, she had a lot Dealing with anger over a breakup health issues during the relationship, slipped disc, cancer operation to remove a tumour, family issues etc during the 4 years.

Any problem I was there to help and support and she took advantage of that. I was healthy and strong so I stood by her. I love her, so of course it was natural I wanted to help her.

In the last 12 months I did have some financial issues out of my control which made me moody low and anxious myself. Her son became an issue at one point being quite disruptive and caused us both stress. I thought she would stand by me during my low point but she bailed out when I needed her most, at a time I needed her most.

I am very angry about that now. Thing is I have 4 years of messages making me believe everything was okay, nothing was negative in her words. So I feel shes wasted these 6 months of my life telling me things that were not true. She then said she was Dealing with anger over a breakup me because I was a safe option. Her last BF 5 years ago left her for a work colleague and she had to work with them for a whole year which hurt her so much. Because I have been angry I sent some messages telling her how she had let me down, criticizing her double standards and telling her I wished when she needed me I should have dumped her, like she had dumped Dealing with anger over a breakup now.

It was because I was hurting. So I stopped messaging. This week she was seen with another guy, which made me angry again because she had no reason to lie to me about not seeing anyone else. I just wanted the truth. Maybe she dating someone else to punish me for being nasty to her or testing the water if she feels like dating on the rebound. I have to move on, it hurts and I will continue to process the anger I have toward her actions. Hi Keke, relationships are hard. Breakups are hard. Being human is complicated, love is complicated. That you are really dealing with all this alone.

If there was any chance you would consider reaching out for support, if you could gather up your courage to do so, that would be great. A counsellor, for example, would create a really safe space for you to process all of this, without any kind of judgement. That is what they are there for, and the volunteers on the other end of the phone are happy to take your call.

Best, HT. Thanks HT, For four years and right until the split her behaviour and sentiments were absolutely going forwards with the relationship. Maybe partly to protect my feelings after the split, I understand that. But why would she get new keys cut for me for her new flat a month before she ended it if not going forward? Planning our next holiday? Someone tells you they love you, need you, why not think like that? I knew she was stressed at work and thought it was that. Fair enough, there has been a lack of communication of feelings on her part, she admits that has caused this to happen.

I thought we always had good communication between us. She feels very guilty over her behaviour in not supporting me when I have had recent external stresses making me unhappy. That Dealing with anger over a breakup effect us both for while.

But she accepts I am angry and understands why. But we were very close and I miss the lifestyle, love and companionship.

Dealing with anger over a breakup

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Why it’s so hard to get over your ex, according to a relationship psychologist