When to cut your losses in a relationship

Added: Herson Thornton - Date: 10.12.2021 17:01 - Views: 13327 - Clicks: 3286

Should I stay or should I go? Making a good choice involves predicting how the future will play out. To do this in an informed way requires knowing ourselves and having the perspective to realistically reflect on our current context, our future self and what matters most to us. To complicate matters, decision making is often skewed by personality dynamics and psychological issues that unconsciously limit choice and bias people towards staying or going. This frowned upon issue in school and elsewhere is harder to keep under the radar.

On the other hand, people who dutifully keep trying, regardless of the cost, are often idealized by others causing this issue to escape detection — and even fuel a feeling of superiority. This psychological defense enables people to continue to hold on to the magical belief that somehow this time they can make things turn out differently — refusing to let go of unfounded hope.

When operating as a defense or compensation in this way, what looks like constructive tenacity or grit is actually a disguise for the inability to flexibly respond and change course when needed.

Rather than a strength, it is actually a liability and is indicative of rigidity and difficulty with loss, risk, and change. When at a crossro, being aware of these biases can free people up to move forward — allowing them to truly have a choice, rather than continue to make decisions in a rote way and repeat maladaptive patterns.

Personality features that make people at risk for staying too long: How many of these do you have?

Having internalized the need to avoid disappointing others and continually prove himself, he stayed too long in unhappy relationships and persisted in problematic or unfulfilling jobs and other situations. When at a crossro, Devin was unable to access his own wisdom and clarity, despite knowing what he needed.

Driven by self-doubt, he became caught in a loop of automatic rote reactions developed long ago unconsciously in an attempt to stave off disapproval and shame. An interesting observation is that people who tend to escape rarely obsess over whether or not they are just taking the easy way out. Distracted by the wrong concerns, Devin failed to recognize the parts of himself that were overdeveloped being disciplined, loyal, responsible, staying the course and the ones that needed strengthening being flexible, letting go, taking a risk, holding his own in the face of potential disapproval, tolerating change.

People like Devin, along with feeling guilty and acting dutifully, may also chronically feel trapped in their lives and fantasize about escape. It can be confusing for them — and untenable — to trust their instincts and motives when wanting to decide to leave.

Using the guide below, people can check themselves when they want to quit but fear that they may just be making excuses. Letting go can be mistakenly seen as a of weakness or personal failure, though in fact sometimes may be the harder, wiser, and more courageous thing to do.

Disclaimer: The characters are fictitious but represent real situations and psychological dilemmas. Margolies, L. When Perseverance Costs You Success. Psych Central. People with ADHD may have lower levels of dopamine than neurotypical people. Some medications that treat ADHD may increase dopamine levels.

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When to cut your losses in a relationship

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